I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I WROTE THIS
by Die2Live-Live2Die
Summary: Just some disturbing randomness with Spongebob, Twilight, Spiderman, Britney Spears, P!nk, Willy Wonka, The Evil Monkey British and Mr Artichoke Head. Warning may cause you to be scared for life. Some slashy theme's.


Heya's. Before you get all weirded out in reading this I think you should know, I was dared to write this, even though, like the title suggests, I have idea _why_ I wrote this. I mean really, I was pretty disturbed while writing this...please don't crawl into a whole and die.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot of this story.

Just in case you missed the summery: THE READING OF THIS MAY CAUSE YOU TO BE SCARED FOR LIFE!!!

Spongebob woke up on Tuesday and decided to get a present for his bff, Spiderman.

So off he went to Spiderman's house with an ass on his side. And yes I mean an actual ass, not the freakish donkey/horse thingy.

On the way there he ran into Rosalie and Emmett. Rosalie was in a tiny bikini and Emmett was drooling like a dog, chasing her around.

'Yo, Spongebob, my man. How are ya buddy?' Rose asked as she was suddenly wearing a gold chain and baggy pants.

'I'm great! Just delivering this ass to Spiderman.'

'Oh yeah, he could use one of those. Don't tell Emmett but I totally seen the one he has now...small as his head...yeah that was a pretty boring night.' Now she was dressed in hooker clothing and dancing on a pole. 'You think he'll ask me out if I do this? What with the new ass n all?

'I don't see why not. Well I'll see you later Rose.'

'You sure will.' she winked.

A little while later Spongebob was about to open the lift for Spiderman's tree house, when out of no where a wad of foot fungus fly's over and hits the ass. 'Oh no. whatever shall I do?' Spongebob then had a brilliant idea. He started licking off all the foot fungus, savoring the deliciousness.

Then along came his trusty sidekick, Mr Artichoke Head!

'May I help you master?'

'Of course my loyal subject.'

They were both licking the ass but unfortunately, they had their eyes closed so inevitably their tongues met. They continues licking each others tongues without realizing and when they opened their eyes they paused.

'Oh my god Mr Artichoke Head! No one can know.' Spongebob said against His sidekicks mouth.

'I agree but I must confess...I HAVE THE HOTS FOR YOU SPONGEBOB!!!'

I too have the hots...but not for you. I'll admit you sure are a spunk, with your silky layers of artichoke, but to me there is only one person I can be with.'

'Who?!!!'

'Willy Wonka!'

'Oh. I see how it is. I'm not man enough for you? You need real guy, someone who can make ever lasting gum balls. I understand.' And he left.

'Toodleoo.' Spongebob called into the distance.

He got into the lift and pressed the button for the 5th floor, were Spiderman had his sleeping quarters. Spiderman slept all day usually so when Spongebob found what he found he was pretty surprised.

There, waiting for him was Spiderman and Willy Wonka making out on the bed. Willy's hair has in a mess and Spiderman's lipstick was smudged.

Spongebob, being shocked as he was, became so overwhelmed with agony he shoved his head up the ass. Just to escape the pain.

When he removed his head, he noticed Willy Wonka was gone and Spiderman has dancing to Circus, by Britney Spears, who just so happened to be dancing with him.

Spongebob dropped the ass and announced to them,

'I FIND THIS WHOLE SITUATION A HUGE TURN ON!'

and began to rub his tiny figure against Britney's leg.

When he looked back to Spiderman, he was putting on the new ass.

'Ah, fits like a dream. I'm gonna call Rosalie, brb.'

'Spongebob?' Britney asked.

'Yes my pet?'

'Guess what.'

'What?'

'Time is waiting...We only got 4 minutes to save the world...No hesitating...Grab a boy, grab a girl...Time is waiting...We only got 4 minutes to save the world...No hesitating...We only got 4 minutes, 4 minutes.'

'What? Why are we saving the world? What's going on???'

'The British are coming. The British are coming!!!'

'British..? Which British?'

'The evil Monkey British.'

That was to much for Spongebob. He let out an ear splitting belch/scream and run for his life. But alas, it was too late. The evil Monkey British were already there, ready to attack with there swords of Jelly. Now I know what you're thinking...Jelly, how harmless. But I bet you didn't acknowledge the fact that Spongebob has a phobia of Jelly.

'Ahhhhhh, it burns!!! I'm melting, meltiiiinnnngggggg.'

'Ha, Ha, HaHa. Feel the wrath of my sword of Jelly.' The lead evil Monkey British said.

'I am. Why else would I be going: I'm melting, meltiiiinnnngggggg?'

'Off with his head.'

And that was the end of Spongebob....Or so they thought.

Suddenly, Britney Spears, backed up by her backing up dancers, started belting out her hit song 'Oops I did it again.'

with the speakers on full blast. The sound waved made the Jelly turn to mush and the evil Monkey British went deaf.

Then, as if this day could get any more random, P!nk rolled up on her quad bike, and started singing I'm on a boat.

'Aww shit, get your towels ready it's about to go down  
Everybody in the place hit the fucking deck  
But stay on your motherfucking toes  
We running this, let's go

'I'm on a boat  
I'm on a boat  
Everybody look at me 'cause I'm sailing on a boat  
I'm on a boat  
I'm on a boat  
Take a good hard look at the motherfucking boat

'I'm on a boat motherfucker take a look at me  
Straight flowing on a boat on the deep blue sea  
Busting five knots, wind whipping out my coat  
You can't stop me motherfucker cause I'm on a boat

'Take a picture, trick  
I'm on a boat, bitch  
We drinking Santana champ,  
Cause it's so crisp  
I got my swim trunks  
And my flippie-floppies  
I'm flipping burgers, you at Kinko's  
Straight flipping copies

'I'm riding on a dolphin, doing flips and shit  
The dolphin's splashing, getting everybody all wet  
But this ain't Seaworld, this is real as it gets  
I'm on a boat, motherfucker, don't you ever forget

'I'm on a boat and  
It's going fast and  
I got a nautical themed  
Pashmina afghan  
I'm the king of the world  
On a boat like Leo  
If you're on the shore,  
Then you're sure not me-oh

'Get the fuck up, this boat is REAL!

Fuck land, I'm on a boat, motherfucker  
'Fuck trees, I climb buoys, motherfucker  
I'm on the deck with my boys, motherfucker  
This boat engine make noise, motherfucker

Hey ma, if you could see me now  
Arms spread wide on the starboard bow  
Gonna fly this boat to the moon somehow  
Like Kevin Garnett, anything is possible

'Yeah, never thought I'd be on a boat  
It's a big blue watery road  
Poseidon  
Look at me, oh

'Never thought I'd see the day  
When a big boat coming my way  
Believe me when I say  
I fucked a mermaid

'I'm on a boat  
I'm on a boat  
Everybody look at me 'cause I'm sailing on a boat  
I'm on a boat  
I'm on a boat  
Take a good hard look at the mothafuckin' boat'

'WOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO.'

Then everyone on the universe did the Mexican wave and partied till they just couldn't party no more!!!!!!!!!

The End.


End file.
